Tuesday, April 8, 2008

I'm So Glad I Don't Own a Harley

Originally uploaded by Jason Means

I ride my bike every day, rain or shine, hot or cold - and it always puts a smile on my face. No matter how glum every other part of my day may seem, riding my bike always makes me feel better. Every season is different, and every day brings different riding conditions. Unlike driving a car, you get to experience all that is around you, and become part of the scene.

And the icing that I spread on my feeling of joyous glee is the fact that I don't own a Harley Davidson. It's been a while since I've dug into a good mouth-foaming rant, so brace yourself - it's about to get ugly.

Since riding time is therapy for me, anything that upsets the session really gets under my skin, and tends to gnaw at my very bones. It's kind of like... a splinter in my mind. And for many years now, one of the big things that's frosted my nuts the most is how Harley owners seem to be the only fuckers rolling up and down the road that won't wave to a fellow rider, which is THE most common and respected bond between riders.

Why do Harley riders have to be such dicks? Is it because they had to put a third mortgage on their home to own a such a shaking, quaking piece of noisy shit? Or is it the fact they had to go without beer and cigarettes for a month of Sundays to purchase the necessary amount of leather and chrome to go with their new $35,000 vibrator. It could be the trailer... since Harley owners trailer their bikes more than they ride them. Or could it be the need and/or tendency to scowl all the time, since I've never seen a Harley owner smile. In all fairness though, I'd probably scowl too if I owned a Harley... actually, I'd probably hang myself.

I've heard a lot of Hauley... er, I mean Harley owners mention patriotism when citing the reasons they bought their bike. The need to... buy American, which seems exceedingly ironic to me since Harley's aren't MADE in America - they're ASSEMBLED in America, out of foreign parts - just like most bikes rolling up and down the road. If they really wanted to be more American - they should pay more in taxes, or join the Army - both great ways to show patriotism.

Maybe it's just a small penis thing... and the overwhelming urge to compensate for their lack of..... with more chrome and lots of noise. I just wish they would compensate in another way, one that wasn't so damn noisy and obnoxious. And for the love of all that is holy, throw up your fucking hand and wave you retarded mother fucker.

Other riders don't seem to be so rude. No matter what I'm riding, guys on sport bikes will throw up a hand and wave... gold wing riders will toss me a thumbs up... even guys who paid too much for their BMW's will wave... So I ask again, why do Harley riders have to be such dicks... ? I'd sure like to know.

In all fairness, I must confess that there are a few good guys out there (that just happen to own Harley's) that I've known through certain circles that are good riders and upstanding people to know. I just wish that there were more of them - guys who live for the ride and are happy to see anybody out on two wheels (or in my case - three).

In summation, I'd just like to feel a bit more love from my two-wheeled Harley brothers, because they're really bumming me the fuck out. Ride safe, ride friendly, and for once in your fucking life, stop being such a dick and wave you retarded prick.


Anonymous said...

DITTO. I don't own a bike, yet Hardley err Harley riders seem a little "pissy". Maybe it's the dollars spent needlessly, or just the fact they now know they screwed up. Whatever it be, they need to get over it and just be friendlier to the rest of the world. Better yet, buy a used one and use the extra money and buy some beer and stay home. Don't drink and ride, right?

ScooterBob said...

Come on now - Give the Hardley-Ableson riders a break! You KNOW it takes TWO HANDS to hang onto the quivering mass of pig iron - they CAN'T wave at you ... haw haw haw!!